“Love”

I have an earring like hers.

A friend got it for me as a wedding gift nearly 8 years ago.

I’ve always loved it but never wore it much (simply because I’m a lazy jewelry wearer and if I can’t sleep/shower/sweat/live-all-day-every-day-in-it, I just don’t wear it because I’m not an “accessorizer”). It’s bulky in my ear and pokes me when I sleep but always kept it because I liked it anyway (and because it’s Tiffany’s).

I haven’t thought of this earring in almost a decade - as you can likely see from the tarnish on the silver. But the moment I saw that little girl’s blood-soaked ear, I immediately thought of my earring and still knew exactly where it was after all these years.

It ripped me out of my few-days-long happy bubble (yes—we all have to resist the bubble).

And suddenly I’ve fallen down a trail of never-ending thoughts about what “love” ACTUALLY is.

Sure, it’s gentle and soft. Sometimes.

But it’s also intense. And radical. And it demands and requires your attention to survive.

The Empire will work to overwhelm you. So many things all at once. People being kidnapped by bootleg “agents,” families being torn apart. The constant threat of a “world war” (why aren’t we considered to already be in one?). Children dying in Palestine, in Yemen, in Syria, in Lebanon, in Iran, in the Congo, in Sudan, here in the U.S. etc. because of its (the Empire’s) greed and wrath.

They want to overwhelm you so you give up. So you look away. So you don’t care. So you stop loving not just others but also yourself and then no one—not even you—gets your attention.

You can hold it all. We can hold it all.

I try to allow myself more moments of being present (for the sake of my own children), I schedule things to get excited about (like my tattoo today), post about our garden bunnies, and share tidbits of joy in the form of things like a children’s book—but I will continue to invite the reality back in that my “present” is different than another Palestinian mother’s “present” every time I’m presented with the opportunity to do so (like allowing myself to feel and sit with the thoughts that this little girl’s earrings brought up).

My present IS those bunnies, and peaceful moments in the garden, and getting to design a tattoo, and getting to enjoy the summer with my children (Alhamdullilah), and her present is watching her child go lifeless. It’s losing her whole world. Over and over and over again.

So I will welcome the present (because that’s how we all survive), with the understanding that someone else’s present is different in a terrible way—and my job is to continue giving my attention to their present. To love radically and continue to find ways to make this seemingly hellish place better for everyone with every ounce of energy I have to give to this world.

And while I still don’t know this little girl’s name, I can tell you that these were her last moments of life caught on film for the world to see, and we’ve collectively been witness to far too many of these moments to remain unmoved by it. To remain unloving and inattentive.

So, welcome the present—feel your joy and embrace your gentle moments—and also, you too, love radically.

Continue to give Palestine (and the world) your attention. My people demand and require it—your attention—to survive.

It is my job to make sure you understand the privilege you/I/we’ve been given to have this version of “the present” and to use it to make this place better.

And that is your job, too.